Thoughs, perhaps? hmm.

First half of my 2009 is gone. What have i contributed to this earth? What have i done through out this 6 months? This is not a very good way to start off cause this post might probably just end now as i cannot quite remember what changes i've made or done. But through out this 6 months, its been a roller coaster ride, definitely. Thoughts been hitting my head, running up and down, in and out. This year has been the most emotional year of my life, i would say. Putting doubt in everything i do. Not believing that purpose of it and why the heck m i doing it.

Supposedly, now is my nerding time but i choose to blog. Is a form of entertainment and reflecting. Back to the topic, having said that this year has been the most emotional year of my life, i actually grow from it. And having faith in whatever i do. Is amusing to know that we can never predict whats next cause things that you foresee might not happen, there, disappointment and discourage you. Having that, scary thoughts slowly creep into you, and you'll tend to believe it. In other word, paranoia. I realize, paranoia doubts loads. Its been happening to me, FREQUENTLY.

Sides being a paranoia. I too pretend. Ahhh, confession of an actress? Ha. I 've always tend to believe that i put on a mask in places where i m suppose to be transparent. Is tiring, is exhausting. That awful thoughts frequently bring me to this place of, breaking down. Hating that moment most but is a place i've been brought to, again i say frequently. But i tend to think this is me, and human beings are always led to that point to break down and giving up. I m still figuring out what m i and is it necessary for every christian to be at the point of breaking down, or is it just me? Sometimes not knowing the purpose of living is the toughest moment to go through. Wells, I think i should ask me Creator as an inventor doesnt create something without knowing the purpose of it. Having said that, i remember this sermon preached by someone, i couldnt remember who! ish. :/. In order for us to know what are our purposes, always go back to the creator or inventor. They do not create stuff without knowing the purpose but knowing the full purpose of it.

Thats about it for now. will continue when i feel like it. Here i come, Mr Siao. :)